Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
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She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
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The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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