Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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