I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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