we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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