I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
