just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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