I accidentally had phone sex last night
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He shit in the fireplace
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
