wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
