i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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