Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
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She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
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Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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