so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The uberlube is also flammable
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
