Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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