I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
