guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Randomize
