I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
