So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
