You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
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