Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
