ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
