Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
