ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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