I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize