I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
