He asked to "fluff my boner.."
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
