just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
