Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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