I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
