Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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