she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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