he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
