Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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