so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
