Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
