I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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