Porn is love you can see.
please come you make the beer taste better
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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