Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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