everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
