Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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