i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
