I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I will pee on everything he values.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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