oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
