I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
