i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
