we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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