It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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