i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
