You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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