He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
