I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
