I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
