even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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