dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
