Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
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