He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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