U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
