Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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