Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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