This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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