we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
mondays should just be called national damage control day
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
